Hazel-Rah's Helliday #17

  I'll Show You X-Mess Like You've Never Seen

It's that time of year again.....

We've barely smashed our pumpkins and stuffed the turkey and the evil spirit of Mariah has crawled out from shadows to come for your spirit. While somewhere, waiting in the dark, is George ,hungry and twitching to WHAM you into your Last Christmas . 

So to help you in your struggles of the season, I've been digging through the Cemetery of Forgotten Songs in search of tracks for this years "X-Mess" mixtape. 

Christmas Carols for the cranky.Yule tunes for the cold hearted(or the black hole where it used to be) Weird,wintery,WTF??s! that will leave you snowblind with nipples so hard they could cut glass. 

Enjoy my Hazel-Rah Helliday Mixtape,it's Seventeen: I'll show you X-Mess like you've never seen!

 

 

1) Michael Caine's Scrooge speaks from the heart that Christmas crazies should be "Cooked with their own Turkey and buried with a stake of holly in their hearts"(well,Don't want them coming back)

2) Shhh ,Watch Out! You know who coming for you in this dark orchestra version of "All I Want For Christmas " by Lucas King

 3) MX Justin Vivian Bond invokes the spirit of the witches on the Solstice during these

"Burning Times"

4) Jill Tracy croons of something cold and creepy is happening in "Room 19"

5) Seasons Beatings everyone in this trailer for "Violent Night"

6) Inkubus Suckubus "Hail the Holly King" 

7) Dawn French tells her child a very scary Christmas story with a surprise ending

8) Blondie sing of how cold you have become like "Winter"

9) Frasier knows what's in the hearts and minds of every child on Christmas morning :

"Is That All I Got ?"

10) Masego has some funky "Favorite Tings" to sing about this holiday

11) Wendy foreshadows her own snowbound troubles when she inquires about the "Donner Party" in the Shining

12) Kyle Andrews is feeling a bit "Frostbite"n this season

13) Every holiday has it's own stories , but have you ever heard of the "Legend of the Christmas Witch"

14) Count D gives us the spooky seasonal song of "The Christmas Witch"

 15) Fake Shark Real Zombie  inform us that "Winona Ryder Hates Christmas".Amen, sister

16) What's your favorite Christmas special to watch every year? Star Wars? Snoopy?Bloom County?  Don't forget to catch "Kiss Saves Santa" on Family Guy.

17) Santa Sabbath go "Santanaut" in this tribute to both Black Sabbath and the season

18) Shhh! Do you smell something?  It "Smells Like Christmas Spirit" according to Chris Townsend

 19) OOOH look what was in my stocking *puts on best Present Face "McDonald's Gift Certificates"

 20) The petite Love Goddess Judy Tenuta left us pigs this year but not before leaving us her "Christmas Wish" 

21) The Baroness Von Sketch Show let's us know that Santa's having a rough Christmas this year

 22) It's "Christmastime in Painesville" for The Deadbeat Poets

 23) The family of Bobs Burgers have already put up their tree and it's barely past Halloween

24) French and the Punk are just like me , they want "Halloween for Christmas"

25) The officers of Reno 911 provide a "Holiday Survival PSA"

26) Bindley Hardware Co. sing of how things can get troublesome when the dinner conversation gets political around the table.You need "Bipartisanta" to save the family

27) Exit 57's Paul Dinello has it rough this year as he says "My Wife Left Me For A Guy Named Jesus".

28) Kent Brockman talks of the effects of a snowless holiday on the "Eskimos"

29) Glasvegas mopes until "A Snowflake Fell(And it Felt Like a Kiss)"

30) Karen Carpenter & Georgia Engel perform for us the original version of Silent Night" in "Stille Nacht"

31) Scrooge learns the completely wrong thing from his night of three ghosts in this Robot Chicken bit.

Hazel-Rah's Halloween Mixtape #18: Press Play to get in ,Pray to get out! (2022)

 

Just when you thought it was safe to press play....It's baaaaaaack!
Coming in with just days to go till Halloween strikes 31, it's my yearly Mixtape of seasonal spooky songs and soundbites. Had a bit of trouble this year finding time to carve this one out what with all that has been going on, but here it is in all it's gory.
 

We've got Vampires,Werewolves(not swearwolves),and Transvestites, Oh ,MY !

This year we see the End of Halloween.

Say goodbye to the original Mrs Lovett with a tribute nod to the wonderful Angela Lansbury.

And bid farewell to the original Walking Dead show by going back to the beginning before it spins off into obscurity with it's planned multiple shows and movies and unanswered questions.

So cuddle up with your popcorn and butter the one you love!

 We've got MIXTAPE SIGN !!
(Like a Vampire ,The last track is sure to suck.)
 

Press Play to get in ,Pray to get out!
It's Hazel-Rah's Halloween Mixtape #18

1) "You Wanna See Something REALLY Scary?" Watch the Twilight Zone
2) Halloween has come to an End,and Myers is depressed.So here is the "Halloween Theme (Sad Piano Version)" by Lucas King to fit the mood
3) Haunt Me wants to "Watch You Bleed"
4) "You Wait Till Mom Finds Out".Mom's hate it when you Vamp out without doing your chores
5) LeeDM101 mashes up Depeche Mode vs Gerard McMahon for a "Lost Celebration".
6) When there is a "Knock at the Cabin(Trailer)" door, it can't be good.
7) Babel lets out "The Howling" to the full moon that even your sister would love.
8) The Walking Dead is coming to an end,but in the original episode Morgan explains to Rick that "You Come Back"
9) The Sound speak of living like "Skeletons"
10) It's the FINAL Trailer for the FINAL "Halloween" movie.Yeah,right.Like
this series ever truly "ENDS".
11) Graveyard Club are wrapped up in a sheet like a kid on "Halloween"
12) Homer Simpson thinks we've become "A Little Old for Trick or Treating"
13) Adriana A Mashes up Ministry vs. Calvin Harris for a happy "My Way Is Halloween"
14) It's Heeeeeeere! The "Poltergeist Trailer"
15) Angels of Liberty welcome the "Haunted"
16) Sleepaway Camp is a nice place for summer vacation. A perfect place to die!
17) OneboredJeu gives us "S & M Transvestite" that mashes up Rhianna with Tim Curry for a real ass slapping tune.
18) WANNA DATE? The Frankenhooker Trailer?
19) Voltaire likes the looks of the "Zombie Prostitute"
20) Freddy gets frisky with Nancy,insisting that "I'm Your Boyfriend Now"
21) You know Steve & Friends are right,"It's Kind of Weird How Johnny Depp is in Nightmare on Elm Street"
22) Neve Cambell knows all about loss of blood in horror movies.It's "A Bloody Nightmare" how much the Red Cross could make good use of all that red.
23) We have such new sights to show you in this "Hellraiser Trailer"
 for the new movie
24) The Merkins sing of the "Man in the Box",Lemarchand's box that is, in this spot on note worthy Alice in Chains tribute to Pinhead
25) Little Girl, Big "PG Psycho Goreman" Official Trailer
26) The good times never end at "Willy's Wonderland" by Emoi
27) We lost Angela Lansbury this year .Maybe a little "Substitutiary Locomotion" will lift our spirits.
28) Grover is worried about the Monster at the end of his book.
29) But it's just a lovable furry ol' "Monster in the Mirror"
30) Linus pleads "Great Pumpkin ,Where are you ?!"
31) "On All Hallows Eve" Killing Joke song a song of celebration
32) The mixtape is almost over,"Where You Gonna Go ? Where you Gonna Run"
as the Body Snatchers come for you
33) Nasa shares the sounds of a "Black Hole"

Hello Sidney.....

 What if the next Scream begins with a Ghostface attack on Sidney ?

Viewers know the opening scene is suppose to be a killer, in more ways than one.That this person is in danger.And with Part 5, we know a legacy character can fall.Sure ,Neve Campbell has said she doesn't want Sidney to die.But what if that was to throw us all off of anticipating the worst.

Picture it: In her home at sunset when she returns from work

Black screen.A scream is heard.A phone rings
Sidney comes in the front door,mail in hand.Turns off the alarm.Phone continues to ring.
"Honey, I'm home" Calling out for her husband and kids....no one answers.Phone stops ringing.
She goes to the kitchen. Starts dinner.Turns on oven,Gets pans out.
On the fridge we see children's drawings.The child's name written in big crayon in the lower right corner
Sidney flips through the mail.Bills.A Red Valentine addressed to "My Cassandra"
No return address.
She opens the envelope.
Inside is a Valentine , on the front it says "I just called...to say.."
She goes to open the card and a piece of folded paper drops out.
Sidney picks it up and unfolds it.
On the paper is a childs drawing image of a stick figure family.Holding hands
Someone has drawn over the faces so they are each wearing the Ghostface mask image.
Children and Father with knives in their bodies.
"My Family" written along the bottom in red with a little Ghostface drawn in the lower corner
Over the name of the child who drew the original.The same name as the pictures on the fridge. 

The inside of the card has a poem "Blood is Red,Corpses are Blue..One is dead....and so are YOU!!"
She gets out her phone.Texts husband.
"Where are you?"
After a pause....."Right behind you" the text reads
Sydney turns...no one is there
Phone says "Someone is typing"
But before she can see the response..the landline rings.
Sidney answers.
An old familiar Voice says "Hello Sidney"
Sid "Not today" and hangs up.
Then presses a button on phone base.
Sid grabs a knife from a kitchen drawer and goes to a cupboard
Opens it to reveal a series of security screens of her house,inside and out
Everything looks quiet.Except something is off with the kids room image
Shes prepared.Sidney Fuckin' Prescott
Sidney opens an app on her phone(ignoring the text from her husband),
She can now see the same camera angles as the security cams
She then gets on houses intercom.
"The police are on their way.You can fuck off.Now. Or they can claim whats left of your piece of shit body."
Pause.Silence.No movement on screens.
Then the voice says over the same intercom:
"Sidney,Sidney,Sidney..such a mouth on you...Did you learn to talk like that from your Mother?...
...Do you talk to your kids like that?
Oh...by the way...Have you checked the children?"
Sid instinctively looks at the screen of the kids room.Nothing.
Then the image of the kids room changes as a gloved hand pulls a taped photo away.
Revealing a room with blood everywhere.On the wall scrawled in child like lettering:
"Where were you Mommy?"
On the camera a Ghostface walks over to one of the beds.There is a body shaped lump
The Ghost violenty stabs the shape repeatedly.Blood flies.
Sidney runs to room.
To find it empty.And clean.No blood anywhere.
The VOICE on intercom:"What's wrong,Sid?
"Is the great Sidney Prescott going crazy after all these years?
"You're not...Seeing things?Are you?"
Her phone gives off some beeps.Sidney glances at her phone quickly,back up to her surroundings
Back to her phone.On every security screen in her house there is a Ghostface standing in each of the rooms.
Waving their knife hand at the camera.
THE VOICE on intercom ,childlike "Come and Play with US"
Sid ..not sure where to turn or run....goes to the middle of the stairs.Glances up and down
Puts the phone in her jacket pocket.Knife extended out at the ready.
Over the intercom " kill kill kill....ma,ma,ma"
Then " Kill her Mommy....Kill her"
Sidney goes for her back pocket, but before she can do anything we hear ,coming from downstairs:
"MOMMIE HELP ME"
Sid knows its a trap.But still takes a few steps down towards the voice.
Sid Yells "Come out and show yourself, you Bastard"
THE VOICE "With Pleasure" and Ghostface emerges from an upstairs doorway.Knife swinging
Running towards Sidney
Who doesnt turn and run.But makes her stand,knife at the ready.
Ghostface pulls to a stop.Shes not running?
Theres a moment of standoff...
Sids angry eyes glaring at the Ghostfaces black eye holes.It turns its head quizically
Then Sid says" Ok, asshole.Let's Dance" and she goes for her back pocket.Dropping her knife.
As she pulls out a small gun and fires,the Ghostface throws his knife at her,hard.
Causing her to move to avoid and making her aim go off.Shooting at the feet of the Ghostface.
The Ghostface turns and runs into a nearby room.Slams the door shut.We hear it lock.
Sid picks up the knife
But instead of running up the stairs she goes for the front door.
Being careful at the bottom of the stairs, in case someone is waiting around the corner.
No one there in the adjacent room.
Sid makes a break for the front door.Opens it
And sees a Ghostface running fast towards her.With a bit of a limp
She slams the door shut just as the Ghostface hits the door in a hard run.
Shoving the door open.
Sid turns and runs,the Ghostface slashes at her.The knife running across the back of her hair.
Sid rounds the corner, knocking over a tall floor lamp behind her.
Ghostface follows closely,not seeing the lamp post,and trips.
As it gets to it's feet....all the lights in the house go out.
We follow Ghostface as it moves slowly through dark rooms.Mask glowing green in the dark.Randomly swinging the blade at air.
Opening doors and stabbing into the darkness.Noticeably frightened.
It rounds the corner,and notices a closet door.
Thinking it has her...Ghostface raises the knife and slowly turns the door knob.
Swinging the door open.
Empty
"HEY" Sid yells
Ghostface turns
Sid shoots Ghostface right in the head with a bigger gun than before.Sending the body back and to the floor.Blood filling the white mask
As Sid approaches the fallen body, she shoots both its knees.One in the crotch for good measure
Sidney stands above the body,gun still smoking when she hears
"Sidney"
She looks up. Her husband and kids are in the front doorway. Ice cream in hand.
Behind them we see police lights approaching.
The Ghostface body makes a gurgling noise and twitchs.
Sidney casually shoots it again without even glancing
The little girl screams
Cut to black screen
"SCREAM" title card.

We would learn the real killers set this Ghostface up to fail.
Picked an over eager fanboy(whose real use would be revealed later)
They knew Sidney would stop this person.Easily.
Even tampered with his costume/shoes/knife.
 

I briefly pictured Sidney putting on Night Vision Goggles to watch the Ghostface in the dark.(A reverse of the basement moment in the end of Silence of the Lambs). Tossing items across the darken room to distract the Ghostface and make it move where Sidney needed it to stand to spring a trap.Or get a good shot

Maybe Sidney gets the upper-hand by putting on her own Ghostface costume
and approaches this person
Pretending to be a partner in the kill.
We don't see her put on the costume and are given no hint she is under the mask...until she shoots the original Ghostface and does a dramatic mask reveal (like in part 1) .

Sidney would step out of the darkness in the costume and silently ,maybe with the knife in her hand, direct the other Ghostface by pointing up the stairs to indicate that is where Sidney has run off. When the first Ghost turns its back she pulls out her gun and shoots.

After the Ghost is dead, Sidney removes the mask off the body (gruesome visual of the former white mask completely bloody and  brain splattered from bullet hole in forehead). Does not recognize this person at all.Searches body,doesn't find a phone

Now why would she have THAT costume?

Maybe She has a mask for therapy reasons.Face her Abuser

Or She uses it in fight practice exercises. 

After all shes been through,maybe she has a kink she shares with her husband

Hello Gale ...Seen any good Scary Movies lately?

 

A Ghostface call to Gale is long overdue.

We are now at 5 SCREAM movies , and if memory serves there has not been a threatening call from Ghostface to Gale directly. 

Well, except for Part 2, but that call was intercepted by Randy...and we all know how that ended for that poor soul. Maybe Gale was the original hopeful target in that moment since it was her phone?

Nevertheless, it's high time for Gale to have a one on one with our masked killer.I imagine she would have a few choice words for anyone who dared to put on that costume and try and play games with her.

Here is a little first blush thought I had as to how that might play out ...:

I picture Gale at a book signing for her new book about Dewey. His smiling cherub face on book covers on the promotional displays all around this little bookstore nook where she is seated.Blown up photos of shared happy moments between the two of them on posters all around her.
 

She is signing books,both new and old.Gale's assistant is getting the remaining copies of the new book out of a box when they say that they have to get another box from their stacks in the receiving backroom.They want the table to be full for the promotional photo she wants to take.The Assistant leaves while a nearby store bookseller steps up and preps posts its and pens on the table for signing.

 Then Gale's phone rings.

Distracting her for a moment as she looks down at the incoming call."Unknown,Scam likely".She doesn't answer it
 

The next person puts a book down in front of her.It has a "STAB 5:The True Story:A Novelization"  mock movie poster cover on it.With Gale's face as part of the poster.
 

She starts to look up .Saying "What..is THIS? I'm only signing MY....." and trails off as she sees a person in the Ghostface costume standing before her.
 

Gale jumps to her feet,tipping the chair, and steps back.Knocking stacks of books and photo stands of Dewey over.
 

The Ghostface points at the book on the table ...which suddenly starts ringing like a phone. Nobody moves.
It rings again.
 

Gale yells "Security!"
 

The Ghostface then suddenly turns and makes a break for it,knocking people and stacks of books over, and we see "him" run out the door, past the large front windows, and around the corner.Followed by store security.
 

The book continues ringing.
 

Gale's assistant returns to the table.Exchanges a look with Gale,who nods her head towards the front window.We see Security dragging a struggling Ghostface back to the store through the large windows at the front.
Gale flips open the book cover,quickly, but cautiously.
In the middle of the book is a carved out hole,bright red jagged arrows point at the center within which sits a cell phone.
They both see the phone number on the screen reads "Dewey Riley Calling"
Gale grabs the phone and answers it...

A familiar VOICE speaks :
"Hello Gale
Seen any good Scary Movies lately?"

Gale:
Screw you,freak

The Voice:
Awwww...is that anyway to talk to your biggest fan? Love your new book about dear ol' Dewey
Especially...the ending .It really cuts deep.

But,tell me,Gale.Why didn't you write the epic story of the ones who actually took down a Legacy character?

Gale:
Dewey wasn't a character in a movie. He was a living person

The Voice:
..Not anymore...
What are you afraid of?

Gale:
I'm not afraid of you.Those dime store copycat spoiled brats don't deserve a story.
They were so lame they couldn't even come up with a new way to Psycho.

The Voice:
But you have...haven't you?
Did you remember to take your pills today?
You know how bitchy you get when you forget.
You're not still feeling sad about your dear ol dead Deputy,are you?
That was so last year.

Gale:
Fuck off! You love to talk but do you have anything to say?

Why wait till the third act for the big reveal of your "message".
I'm bored with your story already.Show me something new or shut up.

The Voice:
Oh I plan to.Don't you worry that pretty little head of yours off

Ghostface hangs up.

Gale looks at the phone....and calls the number back.

Ghostface:
Hello...New phone .Whose this?

Gale:
Come near me and you'll die like the rest of your mask wearing assholes.

The Voice:
And why would I want to come for you? Haven't you heard....
Nobody wants movies anymore about old characters
They bring nothing to the table but the same tired story we've already seen five times.
They exist only to be killed off
I'm hungry for something new.
Besides ...who needs you....
...You are nothing without Dewey .

Ghostface hangs up

Gale slams the phone on the table in anger.

Gale:(after a beat.To her assistant)  
Did you get the trace?

Assistant:
We should know in a few minutes.
Looks good.

Just then security brings the Ghostface who brought the book to Gale back to her table.

Gale:  
Nice work. Now get that mask off so we can see who this fucker is.

One of the security men removes the mask to reveal.....what is clearly a homeless man.

Man:(getting agitated)
Whats the problem. I didn't do anything.
I did what I was asked to.Wheres my money?!

Gale(in mans face now)
Who asked you? describe Her?Him?

Man:
The voice on the phone.Said he would give me money if I put on this halloween costume and bring you that book.
Who are you?

Gale's Assistants phone beeps
Assistant:(looking at her phone)
Ok.... we've got a location

Gale moves beside Assistant to look at her phone. Assistant presses on map icon,shows image with a red location icon.Too far away to make out significant buildings of streets.Zooms in)
They both react.

Assistant:(Looks at Gale)
The call was coming from inside your house