Saturday, December 25, 2021

Hazel-Rah's Helliday 16 : Tons of Christmas Crap (2021)

 


 

 HARK ! The Herald Angels Sing ,”Conform,Submit,Keep Purchasing!”
 

Well…despite the big life change, I managed to squeak in a Helliday mixtape. It was a bit rushed this year as.So if it feels a little jumbled & jivey,sorry. But despite those & other challenges,I feel there's not a lot of stinkers in the mix.(except for that ONE song,eew). 

Holiday music may spark nostalgia for some and the right tune can even get you in the spirit.But hearing "Jingle Bells" for the millionth time can also lead to annoyance and even distress.Heck,overplayed seasonal songs even have their own game of active avoidance.

How long did you last.....last christmas ?

 So for those in survival mode , here is my 16th collection of craptacular carols to stave off that over-saturated insanity brought on by the carbon copy holiday setlist of every store you dare set foot in this season or every Hallmark movie your significant other forces you to watch.

 And Hey....Let's be careful out there

1) Another Holiday Upon Us and  the Peanuts have barely finished their Halloween candy

2) Bite My Juicy Thanksgiving Pie ( Avril Lavigne vs Doja Cat vs Ariana Grande vs Weird AL vs More) in this Titus Jones made up mashup

3) Liam Neeson Auditions for Mall Santa on the Late Show

4) Santa's Watching You and it's freaking out Kelly Finnegan

5) The Loose Tapestries Can’t Wait for Christmas while some of us can't wait for this holiday jazz to be over
 
6) Little Richard wishes you a Tutti Frutti Christmas

7) Fred Schneider & The Superions cook up a real Fruitcake of a tune
 
8) "Because Buttmunch,Its Christmas" Butthead tells Beavis as to why we're listening to all this Helliday music 

9) Psychostick warn of the .....dun dun dun .... Zombie Claus!

10) It's a Amazon Holiday Toy Song ...be afraid....be very afraid

11) The legendary King Diamond tells the little kiddies that there are  "No Presents for Christmas"

12) Terminal Gods speak of the trials and tribulations of  "Driving Home For Christmas"
Terminal Gods

13) DJ Cummerbund's  "Carol for Whom the Bell Tolls (Metallica vs Trans Siberian Orchestra) mashup of metal and melodrama

14) Tiger Lilies croon on a cold "Starlit Night"

15) HallMighty mashup some suprising sounds in "Drive Home Alone for Christmas (The Cars vs Chris Rea vs Olivia Rodrigo)"

16) King Moonraiser  tell the tale of how "A Toy is Never Truly Happy"

17) Merkel and the Merkelettes know the awful truth that "Christmas is Expensive"

18) American Dad's Snot & Roger lament that Hanukah plays "Second Fiddle to Xmas"

19) Daveed Diggs wants what any good hearted Bubbe wants , a "Puppy for Hanukah"
Daveed Diggs
 
20) Aaaahnold wants you to stay away from his Wife's Cookies even if they make you Jingle All the Way

21) Marc with a C says  "All I Want For Christmas" is a present that actually sucks

22) Mrs Deagle is like us all when she says "I Hate Christmas Carolers"

23) Boris Pickett & The Crypt Keepers know how to celebrate a "Monster's Holiday"

24) Alice Cooper's minions sing of the "12 Days of Alice Cooper"

25 George Jetson suffers like us all as he cries "How Can We Afford All These Presents?"

26) Kay Martin & Her Bodyguards says with a naughty smile "I Know What You Want for Christmas"
 
27) Fascinating Aida implores that you  don't be a "Cunt at Christmas"

28 Jack Frost Trailer presents something chilly to laugh at
 
29)Dame Edna is of the understanding that "Christmas is the Spookiest Time of All"

30) Are you like Uncle Eddie ? don't you hate it when the "Shitter's Full"

31) There's no avoiding it , this performance of "Sugarplum Farties" really stinks
Jingle Smells Everyone !
 
32) David Lynch give us his "New Years Eve Weather Report"

33) Favorite folk crooner John Gorka  performs "Auld Lang Syne"

34)"Bah Humbug" wishes Ebenezer Scrooge  from the Muppet Christmas Caro


Tuesday, October 12, 2021

Hazel-Rah's Halloween 17: aka:The Halloween Hacker 3: Part 6. A New Beginning. Dave Returns...Again

Welcome ...Foolish Morsels... 

to another Trick or Treat bag of tracks to entertain your ears this spooky season. While the world is still riddled with the wandering infected braindead making this dark time drag on indefinitely ,that doesn't mean you can't still have a spoopy ol' time!

 Can't we? 

*Screams into the void........waits impatiently for the void to scream back* 

What to do this year? Halloween is a national drinking holiday for some ...where else can you drink body shots off the exposed tummy of a woman dressed as a sexy Blues Clues 

And this season brings back news of the return of favorite monsters in the form of Michael,Chucky,and Ghostface.With all the sequels and remakes it won't be long before we see Friday the 13th: Part 33-Jason Drinks Manhattans. 

Who knows? Maybe one day the ol' gloved one will haunt the dreams of teenagers once again.

 So slip on your warmest skin ,grab your cleanest pillow case,remember the rolls of toilet paper and lets go a wassailing door to door begging for sweets.  

It's Hazel-Rah's Halloween 17 ...or otherwise known as The Halloween Hacker 3: Part 6. A New Beginning. Dave Returns...Again 

 1) Linus writes a letter to The Great Pumpkin 

 2) MXMS-go deep and dirty like a proper "Gravedigger (Kelly Dean Remix)" 

 3) Tres Vampires(David J (Bauhaus, Love & Rockets) and Johnette Napolitano (Concrete Blonde)) "Take You Deep" into the night with their otherworldly passion ballad 

 4) When the Living Dead Return , the question on everyone's lips is "Why Do You Eat People?".They are disgusting and can't possibly taste like chicken

 5) The Chameleons are feeling "Less Than Human". We've all had mornings like that

 6) John Carpenter's "Village of the Damned" .....and you thought children were creepy enough already? 

 7) I Monster says don't worry "These Are Our Children" ...they don't bite....hard

 8) The bloody Halloween night isn't over yet (We've got two more movies to get through!) in this Halloween Kills Trailer

 9) Every year I like to include a variation on the ol' John Carpenter Halloween theme and this years variant comes via Robyn Adele Anderson's twisted take on the Talking Heads "Psycho Killer" 

10) Aviators sing the praises of a "All Hallows" night 

11) NARDS! It's the Monster Squad Trailer! 

 12) Skyhooks sing of a different kind of "Horror Movie" on their TV 

 13) Tina tells Nancy that she "Dreamed About the Same Creep I Did" 

14) Messer Chups take on the A Nightmare on Elm Street theme in this Surf Rock "Freddy Krueger's Holiday"

 15) Amanda Wyss knows a thing or two about bad dreams ,and tonight she says "I Am Going to Have a Nightmare" 

 16) Jason is Back...again (Can't keep a good hockey puck down!)in this "Friday the 13th Part 4 The Final Chapter(who do they think they are kidding?) Trailer"

 17) LL Cool Jason says "Momma Said Chop You Now" in this spot on tribute to both the rap classic and the iconic Mamma's Boy 

18) Who is Booberry ?! Seriously .....why do we not have a Creature From the Black Lagoon cereal ?? 

19) It's the "Story of the Creature from the Black Lagoon (Lord Melody vs Social Distortion)" where IWillBattle mashups the punk sounds of Social D with a long forgotten Calypso song. A song about a kid who gets made fun of because his mom had sex with the Creature from the Black Lagoon 

 20) Meet Igor...or is it Eye-gore? 

21) Chaki says walk this way, like a "Funky Frankenstein" 

 22) Johnny playfully warns that "They're Coming to Get You Barbara",and they are horny in this 1990 remake of the classic Night of the Living Dead 

23) Mad Sin speak of the "Mad Filthy Undead" (the living are pretty unwashed these days ,to be fair) 

 24) If the endless Halloween sequels tell us anything ,it's that "You Can't Kill the Boogeyman" 

 25) This "Boogie Man Boogie" track was scraped out of the background of the Rules of Attraction pumpkin. 

26) Meet Dr Elvira, she says the best thing to cure your anxiety is with a terror inducing spooky movie.Watch two and stay up till morning. 

27) I'm with Elvira! Keep wearing your damn mask ! so we "Don't Cancel Halloween" 

 28) Are those X-"Mess" decorations I see on the shelves? Where does the time go? Liechee "Carol of the Pumpkins (A Halloween Carol)" feels like christmas dressed in a Halloween costume.Take that Target! 

29) Spooky Muppets!!! this movie was made for me .It's the "Muppets Haunted Mansion Trailer" 

30) Sesame Street's The Count can count the many times he has done his favorite dance, "The Batty Bat"

 31) John Zacherle wishes us all a "Happy Halloween" 

32) "Another Halloween" has come and gone and Linus reflects on what was lost.