THE BELLS ! THE BELLS !
It’s that time of year ,when the world falls ....into a non stop wash,rinse,repeat cycle of mainstream mediocrity filled with Holiday music. It’s dark and bleak and that is not just because of daylight savings.(the only savings that seems to happen this season)
Bells are ringing ,Children are screaming,and parents are ......busy texting.There is seemingly no escape from the noise. Unless.....one has a patented Hazel-Rah Helliday mixtape to help swallow the seasonal slurry.
This year marks the twelfth collection.Twelve plunges to the bottom of the fishnet stocking to find the scraps of tunes that haven’t slipped through the holes of complete obscurity.Weird,wonky,and wonderful wintry tunes to tickle you tinnitus.
So crank up the stereo and turn down the lights (so no one thinks you’re home). Roast those nuts over your open chest and .......wait a tic.....strike that,reverse it. Aww, heck with it .....
Have a happy helliday!
1)A young Catherine Tate's "Nan" wakes to find that Santa drank all her milk and ate her pie and all he left her was one lousy,stinking tangerine.Silly holiday traditions
2)The fake war on “christmas” can get messy. Things can be said that can not be unsaid.Concrete Blonde ask "Jesus, Forgive Me(For the things I'm about to say)”
3)"HEY,Christian God",yeah you.....no, not you, the other one...yeah, you the one standing behind the one in the Santa suit.Snog have a thing or to say to you
4)It's hard to kill the idea that "Die Hard" is a christmas movie in this trailer
5)"Deck the Robots" as Dan Phillips Kraftwerks his magic in his rendition of a Helliday classic
6)We learn "How Jesus got his name".Hint: it goes great with wine and ....wait for it...cheeses
7)The Jesus and Mary Chain celebrate someones special "Birthday" this Christmastime
8)Batman and Catwoman debate how"Mistletoe can be Deadly"
9)The Senti-Mentals tease they will show you theirs if "You Show Me Yours at Xmas"
10)Even a terrorist attack won't spoil lunch in Terry Gilliam’s Brazil
11)The Mynabirds are like many of us with their wish of "All I want is Truth(For Christmas)"
12)The Grinch can't wait for X-Mess more with all it's Boos and Hoos
13)The LCD Soundsystem know that "Christmas Will Break Your Heart" (and probably your wallet)
14)There is nothing more weird than "How David Lynch Stole Christmas" but I would watch the
heck out of THAT holiday special.
15) Unless it includes The Persons creepy performance of "All I want for Christmas is You" .Lock your doors! It’s a Helliday Stalkers anthem!
16)Whether you are Home Alone or with relatives,its often true that "Families Suck"
17)Within Temptation are painting up their white snow black for a "Gothic Christmas"
18) South Park knows that "He Who Controls the Stuffing ,controls the Universe"
19)DING! Voicedude goes to Burger King and mashups the fries into a carol until they are done.
20) Don’t listen to this trailer for Gremlins after midnight
21)The Kids of Krampus "Wish You a Scary Christmas". Hope you are good enough to make it to next year
22)Lacuna Coil are ready for a "Naughty Christmas"....and it's not what you are thinking,filthy pig
23)The gentlemen of Bicentennial Bear have nothing but black love for the one thing on their wish list -"All I Want for Christmas(is an Afghan Whigs reunion)"
24)Jane Curtain says you better be good if you want your "Stocking Stuffed"
25)The Dickies are too loud for it to be a "Silent Night"
26)John Hurt exclaims "Oh No......Not Again"
27) Chewbacca growls his best "Silent Night" But it just makes Jabba laugh Ho-Ho-Ho
28)Milhouse got the hottest toy this season ,a "Tickle Me Krusty". Though,watch where you put your finger
29)You'll yuss go nuts when Yogi Yorgesson plays his "Yingle Bells"
30)David Mitchell has a special "Christmas Message" about the strange people of Christmasland
31)Tom Petty may not be with us anymore but that’s not stopping it from being "Christmas All Over Again"
32)The Tony Guerreio Quintet jazz up "the Twelve Days of Christmas" with a little help from Dave Foley of Kids In the Hall fame.
33)We all know about the twelve days before Christmas,but Carol Burnett has something to say about the "Twelve Days AFTER Christmas"
34)As the Old Year Draws close, 3rd Rock From the Sun's Dick has a toast to make
35)Mac McCaughan says that despite the crappy year it has been that to have a "Happy New Year(Prince Can't Die Again)”
